H.M.O. -- F.A.Q. 's
(found on the Scleraderma Page on the internet)
Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe!" Its
roots go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who
discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain
in his foot
if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces
the physical finger poke with hi-tech equivalents such as voice
mail and referral slips, but the result remains the same.
Q. Do
all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only
those you need.
Q. I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will
it be to choose the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult
than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with
a book listing all the doctors who
were participating in the plan at the time the information was
gathered. These doctors basically fall into two categories -- those
who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see
you but
are no longer part of the plan. But don't worry -- the remaining
doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has
an
office just a half day's drive away!
Q. What are pre-existing conditions?
A. This is a phrase used by
the grammatically challenged when they want to talk about existing
conditions. Unfortunately, we
appear to be pre-stuck with it.
Q. Well, can I get coverage for my pre-existing
conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.
Q. What
happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A. You'll
need to find alternative forms of payment.
Q. My pharmacy plan
only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried
the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach
ache. What should I do?
A. Poke yourself in the eye.
Q. What should I do if I get sick
while traveling?
A. Try sitting in a different part of the bus.
Q. No, I mean what
if I'm away from home and I get sick?
A. You really shouldn't do that. You'll have a hard time seeing
your primary care physician. It's best to wait until you return,
and then get sick.
|
